Five things that were never reported
by Shenandoah Risu
Summary: Five things that happened on the Destiny that were never reported to Homeworld Command.


**Title: Five things that happened on Destiny that were never reported to Homeworld Command  
Author: Shenandoah Risu  
Rating:** T  
**Content Flags:** things nobody wants to talk about  
**Spoilers:** miniscule ones for Season 2  
**Characters:** The Destiny Crew  
**Word Count:** 1,088  
**Summary:** _Needless to say, nobody dared to report it to Homeworld Command._  
**Author's Notes:** Written for prompt set #143 at the LJ Comm sg1_five_things.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own SGU. I wouldn't know what to do with it. Now, Young... Young I'd know what to do with. ;-)  
**Thanks for reading! Feedback = Love. ;-)**

**oOo**

**Five things that happened on Destiny that were never reported to Homeworld Command**

It happened on the planet with the grove of nut trees. Everyone had been busy lugging countless containers filled to the brim with tasty nuts from an apparently boundless harvest. One knock against a tree and a shower of hard-shelled delights would rain down, and they were easy to pick up. Nobody gave a second thought to the small fuzzy-tailed creatures watching them all with wide eyes. And so everyone was totally mystified when the gate dialed in after the last group had returned, and scores of the small animals poured into the gate room. Lisa speculated that they had been watching the dialing process to Destiny so many times that they had memorized it and simply followed along.

Everyone wanted to keep one as a pet, but Colonel Young decided that a. they didn't have the resources to spare and b. squirrels belonged in trees, not ancient spaceships.

Chloe was able to establish a friendly rapport with the chattering creatures, and after some highly amusing playtime involving the entire crew she sent them all back with a small purple sweet potato each.

"They were bored with the nuts," she explained to the others. "They were hoping we had something else to offer. Well, they were right."

And that was the end of the squirrel invasion.

Needless to say, nobody dared to report it to Homeworld Command.

**oOo**

The Halloween Party was all Varro's fault. While he was decently informed about Earth politics, a wizard in survival techniques and very handy to have around in many ways, he was frightfully ignorant of customs and traditions. The crew got used to checking his facial expression a lot, and whenever an inkling of quiet despair crept onto his features, people knew an explanation was needed. Halloween was one of the celebrations Varro never really understood, and so Becker organized a small Halloween party in the Mess Hall one night.

While everyone scrounged around for materials there were some remarkably creative costumes made from all sorts of unidentifiable scraps – Eli dressed up as a kino, Brody grabbed Morrison, Drs Fisher and Inman, Lisa and Volker so they could be a bunch of grapes, and Greer had been transformed into a remarkably sexy ballerina (okay, so it was camouflage, but nobody cared).

The best costume, though, went to Rush who had dressed up as Young, barking orders and glowering silently in a corner. Young showed up five minutes later dressed up as Rush (complete with a shaggy wig made from dried grass and a scruffy charcoal-drawn beard), spouting nonsensical strings of numbers and writing "I will not write on Destiny's walls" on a few bulkheads.

Varro watched the mayhem with growing amusement and later proposed that they should have Halloween every month. Greer said he would pop him one if he had to dress up as a ballerina one more time.

Needless to say, nobody dared to report it to Homeworld Command.

**oOo**

Dr. Morrison was the first one to report a bona-fide ghost appearance on the Destiny, claiming he had spent several hours trading jokes with the Ghost of Hamlet's Father one night. Nobody believed him, of course, but when Brody kept being haunted by the Ghost of Christmas Past on the Bridge, and Becker's kitchen was plagued by a pesky Purple Sweet Potato Ghost, Colonel Young had enough and asked Eli to look into it. Instead of getting the answer he expected ("_It was a malfunction in an auxiliary power relay that regulates holographic projections_" or something like that), Eli showed up with a small white bed sheet-type ghost named Casper.

Young just buried his face in the crook of his arms on his desk and told them all to please just go away and leave him alone. Oddly enough, that seemed to do the trick.

Needless to say, nobody dared to report it to Homeworld Command.

**oOo**

Most of Destiny's crew had extremely limited amounts of clothes to wear; while many of them had been able to grab a few things during the evacuation from Icarus, even those extra clothes eventually began to show signs of wear and tear. People tried to mend their clothes with varying degrees of success, until word got around that some of the crew had useful skills in that area. Camile started a knitting class, Varro taught leatherworking, Barnes showed people how to crochet and Volker was everyone's hero because he actually knew how to darn and sew.

"I'nt that a kinda girly skill, man?" Greer had asked, somewhat perplexed. But then Volker told him that he had taken care of his ill mother for years, and she had taught him to sew and even tailor to keep herself occupied and her mind off her pain. TJ also assisted with her stitching skills, which she had actually learned from her father, who had been a tailor.

Sunday evenings were henceforth known as the _Stitch'n'Bitch_ sessions, where everyone who had clothes to mend would meet on the Observation Deck to fix their garments, learn new skills and trade some juicy gossip in the process.

Needless to say, nobody dared to report it to Homeworld Command.

**oOo**

Greer, Volker and Lisa had done it on the Bridge, Vanessa and Varro preferred the weapons storage room, Eli and Ginn had used the kino room many times, Scott and Chloe had gotten jiggy with it just about everywhere on Destiny, and rumor had it that the Colonel and TJ were not done with each other by a long shot, when the infirmary hatch was closed late at night and neither one of them was to be found. And of course nobody wanted to even speculate what was going on whenever Rush would visit Dr. Perry in their Matrix version of Plato's Retreat.

Colonel Young flat out refused to enforce any kind of rule about fraternization on the ship – like Brody's hooch, it would happen anyway and people would just be paranoid about it – so why bother? They all got the occasional official reminder about being discreet and making sure it was consensual, and to always eat their daily ration of purple sweet potatoes, which had proved to be an excellent contraceptive for a highly promiscuous crew. Dr. Inman finally came up with an acceptable substitute for condoms for those few unlucky ones who simply couldn't stomach the vile tubers. Sadly, Dr. Morrison still didn't see any action, despite his new accessory.

Needless to say, nobody dared to report it to Homeworld Command.

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_**Thanks for reading! A comment or feedback would be lovely!**_

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